


the turtle and the rabbit

by ymorton



Category: Pod Save America (RPF)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 04:59:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13873668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ymorton/pseuds/ymorton
Summary: "As for Emily, well, she once said to me, 'Who's your weirdest friend? You're my weirdest friend.' It's like when a turtle and a rabbit are pals at the zoo, but whatever, it works."





	the turtle and the rabbit

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know. i just love them i'm sorry. 
> 
> 100% fictional and dumb and just for fun, please don't show to anyone involved!!!!!

Emily and Lovett go out for happy hour every couple weeks, to some bar by Emily’s office with overpriced specialty martinis and mediocre nachos. Jon goes along once, invites himself while Lovett’s packing up his bag at the office, and he and Lovett spend 45 minutes talking about the latest iteration of Obamacare repeal while Emily puts her chin in her hand and slowly sips her drink.

The next day she tells him he can’t come anymore.

“All you talked about was politics,” she says apologetically, giving him a kiss.

“What do you usually talk about?”

She sighs. “Other stuff. Not politics.”

“I can talk about other stuff.”

She winces a little. “I don’t know. It’s like- it’s boring. We just talk about like TV and stuff. And drama at my office.”

“There’s drama at your office? What happened?”

“Nothing _happened_ ,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Nothing specific. Just like all the little stupid things."

Jon blinks at her, injured. “You can talk to me about that stuff.”

She laughs and kisses him again. “It’s really not a big deal, I swear. You’re not mad, are you? Are you mad?”

“No,” Jon scoffs. "Of course not." 

But that's not entirely true. 

\--

He stews over it for a week and then shows up at the bar without asking. They’re on the patio sharing a basket of fries when he finds them.

Lovett looks up as he approaches and squints at him.

“Jon,” he says. “Hey. What’s up?”

Emily looks up from her Cosmo, pushing her sunglasses into her hair

“Hey,” she echoes, looking confused.

“Hi,” Jon says, standing there awkwardly for a second before a waitress appears and offers him a chair.

“I’ll be right back with a menu, sir,” she says.

Jon sits, scraping his chair in, and there’s a tight pause.

“Hey, so,” he starts, uncomfortably. “I just, uh, thought I’d stop by. And say hi. I was on my way home from the office.”

Lovett gives Emily a look, about as subtle as a brick.

“Tommy was just finishing up his interview for Friday,” Jon says, barreling on through the awkwardness. “With that North Korea expert from the State Department.”

“Did you guys do ads yet?”

“No, we were gonna wait til tomorrow. What time are you gonna come in?”

Lovett bites into a fry. “Like nine? Does that work?”

“Yeah, that should work. I just got that new copy for Policy Genius, it’s so fucking funny.”

“Don’t spoil it, I want my on-air reactions to be authentic and fresh. Did you finish the outline for the show on Saturday?”

“I mean, what’s the point of even starting it before the Friday news dump.”

Lovett laughs. “Yeah, true. ”

“I have this feeling Kelly’s gonna resign, I don’t know.”

“No way. If he was going to it would’ve been last week.”

“You wanna bet?” Jon raises an eyebrow at him.

Lovett snorts. “Fuck off. Sure. Five bucks? If he resigns within the week?”

“Make it ten, I feel good about this one.”

“Just can’t get out of the prediction game,” Lovett says, shaking his head sadly. “You’d think you’d have learned your lesson by now.”

“That NYT piece from today was _scathing_ , though-“ he catches Emily’s eye and stops. Shit. “So, uhh- uh, how was- how’s your week going, Em? How was work?”

Emily coolly sips her drink. “It was fine.”

“Any drama?” Jon tries. Lovett snorts into his drink and opens his mouth like he’s about to make fun of him. 

“Not really,” Emily says before Lovett can speak, smiling tightly. “Pretty boring. _Definitely_ not as interesting as that New York Times article.”

Lovett looks away, squinting like he’s trying to read the billboard across the street.

“Sorry,” Jon says, forcing a laugh. “I’m doing it again. I know. Sorry. I really do want to hear about your week, though, Em, I-”

“Can I get you something, sir?”

The waitress is behind him. Jon looks down at the unopened menu in his hands.

“Uhh, sorry,” he says. “Just- just a beer. A Stella. Thanks.”

“Anything to eat?”

“No, I’m good. Thank you.”

He hands her the menu.

"So," he says when she's gone. "Your week. Let's get into it." 

“Fine,” Emily says, giving him a look that says otherwise. She turns to Lovett. “Cari just put in her two weeks notice.”

Jon perks up. “Cari, I remember Cari. The lady with the German Shepherd? I met her at that fundraiser?”

Emily sighs. “That’s Mary.”

“Oh. Is Cari the one who-“

“Oh my god, no _way_ ,” Lovett says over him. “Why, did your manager find out what she did with the Stearns account?”

“I mean, we think so, because like why else would she just quit? Maybe they gave her a warning or something and she was just like, screw you, I'm leaving." 

“I bet Brian told them. Didn’t you say he was complaining about it last week?”

Jon mouths a thank you to the waiter as she drops off his beer.

“That’s what Tessa thinks!” Emily laughs and takes a fry. “I don’t know, though. There’s only like three people who technically know about the Stearns thing, so she’s gonna be able to trace it back to him.”

“Okay, and what’s she gonna do? Burn his house down?”

They make considering faces at each other and burst into laughter. Jon echoes them uncertainly.

“Could happen!” Emily chokes.

“If anyone could it’d be her,” Lovett says, snorting. “Remember when she screamed at her assistant? I’ve told that story to several people. I told it to my _sister_. It’s so good.”

“Oh, I remember that,” Jon interjects quickly, wiping his mouth. “That was crazy. Wait, what’s the Stearns thing?” 

“Nothing,” Emily says. “Just this huge account we lost a couple months ago.”

“I didn’t hear about that.”

“I mean, I wasn’t working on it. It was Tessa’s team. But there was all this drama about whose fault it was.”

“It’s too long to get into,” Lovett says, grabbing a couple fries. “But it was fucking nuts. There should be a reality show of Emily’s office. It makes us look like consummate professionals.”

“Okay, it’s not that bad.” She looks at Jon sheepishly. “It’s just a little dysfunctional right now.”

“Really?”

“It’s _nuts_ ,” Lovett says with his mouth full. “I love it. It’s like a soap opera. So many storylines.”

Emily rolls her eyes at him. 

Jon takes a sip of beer. “You never said it was that bad.”

She tucks her hair behind her ears. “Because it’s not. Lovett’s just being dramatic.”

“Excuse me, last week you texted me that you hated every cursed soul in that office with the fire of a thousand suns,” Lovett counters. “I remember, because it was a great line. I took a screenshot.”

“You don’t hate everyone at work,” Jon says, confused. “What about Tessa? And those girls you go hiking with?”

“Again, Lovett is being _dramatic_.” She glares at him and Lovett rolls his eyes. “I was having a rough day.”

“So you texted Lovett,” Jon says.

It comes out sharper than he means it to. They’re all silent until the waitress pops up and says, “How we doing on drinks?”

“Fine, thanks,” Jon says, forcing a smile.

Emily puts a napkin over her plate. “I’m done, actually.”

“Of course,” the waitress says. “How about you, sir?”

Lovett looks up guiltily, mouth full.

“Still working,” Emily says, smiling up at her. “Thank you so much!”

Lovett swallows and reaches for another fry. “Thanks, Em. This is the first fried thing I’ve eaten all week.”

“It’s only Wednesday,” Jon laughs.

Lovett glares at him. “Who invited you to happy hour, Jon?”

“Yeah, thanks for that, Lovett!” Emily says brightly. Jon’s blinking at her, offended, when she adds, “So, tell me the tour schedule again. What day do you guys actually leave?”

Lovett pulls out his phone and Jon settles sullenly back into his seat and reaches for his beer.

\--

The day before Christmas, they drop Lovett off at LAX in the morning and drive straight from there to Jon's parents’ place in Thousand Oaks.

“See you soon,” Emily says on the curb, giving Lovett a hug. She ruffles the hair at the top of his head. “Don’t shave your head.”

“Were you planning on shaving your head?” Jon says, amused. He reaches out to hug Lovett and Lovett sidesteps him neatly.

“I was thinking about it,” he says. “But Emily says I’ll look like a twelve year old.”

“Buzzcuts are not meant for adult men, Lovett, I promise you.”

“Hey, you liked mine,” Jon protests, and Lovett cackles.

"Did she tell you that? Wow. What a tangled web we weave-"

"Shut _up_ , Lovett," Emily laughs, covering his mouth with one hand and then pulling him into another hug. "Text when you land." 

“Okay, mom,” Lovett grumbles against her shoulder.

“Merry Christmas, Lovett,” Jon says, patting Lovett’s arm. "See you soon." 

“Happy _Holidays_ ,” Emily corrects. 

“Hanukkah was weeks ago, Em. You’re trying too hard.” Lovett snorts and pulls his backpack up on his shoulders. “Thanks for the ride. Merry Christmas.”

\--

Jon’s sprawled out after dinner that night when Emily’s phone buzzes next to him on the couch. Jon grabs it. It’s Lovett, Jon can see the contact photo, Lovett on the couch covered in dogs and Christmas lights. Jon almost answers it but he sees Emily come out of the kitchen, wine in hand.

“Here, babe,” he says, handing it up to her.

“Thanks,” she says absently, putting it to her ear. “Hello?”

She listens, and Jon tips his head back on the couch cushion, already grinning up at her. Lovett’s probably calling to wish them a Merry Christmas and complain about New England weather. Jon kinda misses him. Not that he’s gonna admit that.

“Yeah,” Emily says, and then quieter, “Uh-huh. Yeah. Wait, slow down. Can you- give me a second? Just one second. Let me just-”

She puts her wine down and disappears into the next room. Jon sits back up, reaching for his beer. Huh.

Emily doesn’t come back for a half hour. They’re setting up a game of Monopoly when she lets herself in through the back door, tucking her phone in her jacket pocket. Jon cocks his head at her and she smiles blankly back, slides onto the sofa next to him and squeezes his knee.

“Everything okay, hon?” Jon’s mother says, looking curious.

“Yeah, sorry,” Emily says brightly, reaching for Jon’s glass of wine. “My friend from work is kind of having an emergency with her boyfriend, she just needed to talk.”

Jon narrows his eyes at her but she ignores it.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Lillian says. “On Christmas, too. That’s too bad.”

“It’s totally fine. She just needed to vent.” Emily takes another sip of Jon’s wine and hands it to him. “Ooh, can I be the cat? I love the cat.” 

\--

“Wasn’t that Lovett on the phone?” Jon asks, later, when they’re brushing their teeth side by side in the mirror. 

She spits. “What?” 

“Before. When you went outside. Lovett called you.” 

She blinks at him innocently. “When?” 

“Tonight. Earlier tonight.” Jon feels like an idiot. He sticks his toothbrush back in his mouth. 

“Oh- yeah.” She starts patting lotion into her face. “He was just calling to say hi. Actually he was still on the phone when my friend called.” 

“Which friend? Is she okay?” 

“Megan,” Emily says easily, still patting. “She’s fine, her boyfriend’s just being a dick.” 

Jon spits in the sink and rinses his brush. “Megan from college? I thought you said it was a friend from work.” 

“Why are you being so weird?”

Jon looks at himself in the mirror. Why _is_ he being so weird? He can’t shake some feeling that Emily’s lying to him. He can’t stop thinking about how her voice went low, how she said _Wait, slow down_.

“Is he okay?” he asks. “Lovett? Is everything okay?”

She looks down and rummages in her bag.

“He’s fine,” she says.

“You sure?”

Emily laughs, and starts pulling her hair up into a ponytail. “Why are you grilling me right now?”

“Why does it feel like you’re lying to me right now?”

She looks at him in the mirror, eyes narrowing, and he adds hastily, “I mean, I don’t get why you said that to my parents. If Jon was the one who called first, like-“

He shrugs. “Why didn’t you just say that?”

She looks down, fiddling with her makeup bag.

“Okay, yeah,” she says, swallowing. “He just needed to talk, and I didn’t want to get into it with your mom and dad.”

“Talk about what?”

She rolls her eyes at him. “It’s kind of his business, Jon. Just Ronan stuff.”

Ronan stuff. Emily and Lovett talk about Ronan stuff? Is that what they talk about at their precious top-secret happy hour?

“Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. He just needed to, like, process with someone.”

“Process what?”

“ _Jon_. Stop.” She walks out of the bathroom. Jon drops his lotion in his dopp kit and follows her, still rubbing it into his jaw.

“Did something happen with Ronan? Did they get in a fight?”

“We’re not doing this.” Emily climbs into bed. “Like, I’m sorry, but we’re not getting into this.”

“Did he tell you not to tell me?” 

She’s quiet for a minute, pulling the covers up.

“Emily.”

“Do you ever ask him?” she says, fluffing her pillows. “If you asked him, you guys could probably talk about it.”

“Talk about what?”

“Like- literally anything other than politics?” She sighs and pats the bed next to her. “C’mere.”

Jon doesn’t move.

“Jon.”

“We talk about stuff other than politics. We talk about a lot of stuff.”

“Why are you mad right now? He’s my friend, he needed to talk. That’s what friends do.”

“Do you talk about our marriage? I mean, since you talk about everything else. Do you talk about us?”

Emily rolls her eyes and pats the bed again, harder. “Come on.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I don’t,” Emily says, eyes steady on his. “Jon, he’s your best friend. I’m not off gossiping about our marriage. I don’t gossip about our marriage with anyone. Is that what you think I do?" 

"No," Jon says sheepishly. He knees his way onto the bed. 

“I don’t gossip about our marriage with anyone either,” he says, leaning down over her. “Just so you know.”

“I know, babe,” she murmurs, sounding like she’s smiling. Jon’s not sure if she actually is, because he’s pressing his mouth slowly against her neck. She shivers and runs a cool hand over his back under his shirt, lifts his head til they’re kissing.

She's pressing up against him, legs open around his thigh, when he has the strangest thought. He breaks off from the kiss and Emily pouts up at him, stroking his arm. “What?”

Jon props himself up on one elbow. “Do you ever, like- talk to Lovett about- about this kind of stuff? Our, uh- personal stuff?”

“Like sex stuff?” Emily asks incredulously. 

“I’m just wondering how much he knows,” Jon says. His face is red. “Like, how much blackmail information does he have. I feel like I should be prepared.”

She narrows her eyes. “How much information do you want him to have?”

Jon gapes at her. What kind of question is that? “None,” he says belatedly. God, she smells good, and her fingers are still low on his back, nails pressing gently in. “None. Don’t tell him anything.”

“You sure?” She cocks her head, runs her hand down to his ass, and Jon chokes. He thinks helplessly about the two of them, tipsy on martinis, heads pressed together. Whispering about him.  _He was so annoying the other day_ , he imagines Lovett saying.  _You have no idea_ , Emily says back.  _One time he accidentally came on my face, it was awful._

“I’m sure,” he manages to say. _Jesus, wh_ _at a pervert_ , Lovett sighs back. Jon shakes his head to clear it. 

"Okay, babe." She reaches over to turn off the lamp and pulls him back down against her. "I won't tell him about how you ate me out in your parents' house til I had to bite a pillow to stay quiet." 

Jon snorts. "I never-" He catches on when Emily puts a hand in his hair and pushes gently. "Oh. Oh, I see." 

" _Oh, I_ _see_ ," Emily mocks. Her laugh turns into a moan when Jon slides a hand into her underwear, kissing down her stomach. It's hot and dark under the sheets and Emily smells so good.  _I guess there's a couple reasons I keep him around_ , she says breathlessly to Lovett in his head.  _He's not entirely useless._

Jon shivers, drags her panties down to her knees and lowers his head.  


End file.
